I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
