I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
