I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
