dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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