I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
