The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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