do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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