We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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