ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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