I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
