My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
All I want is dick and wine.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
