Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
