LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
