Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
