I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
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Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
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He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize