He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
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What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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