Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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