i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
