I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
