I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
