I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
