I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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