Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
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