I think my fart just growled at me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
