so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
