Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
