I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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