he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
