That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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