i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
