hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
