ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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