dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
