A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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