How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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