how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
