You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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