Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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