So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
