You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
