I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We need to rekindle our bromance
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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