At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
