i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
