on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
