3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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