Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
