I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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