Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
