God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
