I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
