Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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