i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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