I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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