The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
