Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
