I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
