so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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