i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
