Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
