watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
