I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Apparently you make a good broom.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
